


Through the Dark

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [19]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Has Panic Attacks, Supportive Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 07:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15990182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: After losing his magic, Magnus finds himself plagued with nightmares he can't control. Alec is always there to help him pick up the pieces after he wakes.





	Through the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr Prompt: "“Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” with Malec.

Alec’s voice is soft but assertive in an attempt to draw Magnus’ focus and ground him.“Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” He holds both of his hands palms up in his own and gives a quick squeeze. Once. Twice. Three times. “I’m here. I got you.” He keeps his distance, hands touching but sitting at arm’s length on the edge of the mattress. He doesn’t pull him in for a hug, not when that might be more claustrophobic than comforting.

This isn’t the first time he finds Magnus like this, and each time he understands a little better what helps and what hurts; which actions do more harm than good despite his best intentions.  Magnus’ hands are shaking and Alec’s eyes follow that tremor up his arms and to his shoulders. His entire body trembles and it kills Alec to wait for it to subside as he rubs small circles against the soft skin on the back of Magnus’ hands. Small signs that he’s here, that Magnus isn’t alone.  

The nightmares are less frequent but far from gone. Alec wakes up to an empty bed at least twice a week now. Other nights he wakes to the sound of Magnus crying out in his sleep. When they’re lucky, maybe three nights a week provide some small amount of actual rest for the weary former warlock.

Magnus is awake but he can’t rid himself of the dread from his dreams, shaking in silent sobs over the lingering terror for minutes after his eyes snap open, breath still coming in labored gasps. The first time Alec tried to pull him close immediately after shaking him awake in this state, Magnus had rewarded his attempted kindness with a black eye he couldn’t apologize for enough, and still felt guilty over even now, weeks later.

Weeks full of nightmares that haunt him well into his waking hours.

Since then Alec learns what Magnus responds to best and what he needs in these moments. He learns to swallow his own pain over the unfiltered panic in his boyfriend’s eyes and push away his own frustrations at not being able to fix this all with a smile or a reassuring word. Alec wants to do the impossible, because he can’t erase the suffering for Magnus, no matter how badly he wants to.

Magnus focuses on the weight of Alec’s hands on his own. He counts the squeezes. One, two, three. One, two, three. Slowly his breathing evens out. The shaking slows, then stills. He doesn’t look up to meet Alec’s gaze yet, but he will soon, and Alec doesn’t push him. Instead they sit in silence for several long minutes.

Finally, Magnus speaks. His voice is quiet and unsteady. “I’m so-”

“Don’t,” Alec cuts him off. “I told you before, you never have to apologize for this.” There’s a pause. “Which one was it this time?”

Magnus gives a sharp intake of breath. “Asmodeus.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No.” Magnus says instinctively, but as he finally lifts his gaze to meet Alec’s hazel eyes, he reconsiders. “I will. I promise. But I just can’t… not yet.”

“Alright,” Alec says, nodding. Magnus wouldn’t talk about the nightmares at all before, and when he pushed the subject Magnus closed off entirely and stormed out of the Loft. Alec didn’t make that mistake twice. When Magnus finally opened up about what some of them were, vaguely, it was enough for Alec to understand. It started with reliving the night he got back from Edom - the night Alec was injured and Magnus couldn’t heal him. Then it was the time someone sent shax demons after him knowing Magnus would be at a disadvantage without his magic. Alec was there to help, thankfully - but they were both injured in the resulting fight and Magnus had to call in another warlock to help heal their wounds enough for them to return to the Institute.

All of the nightmares are of Magnus finding himself helpless without his magic. Some are events that actually happened since he lost his powers, like the demon attack, but  others are imagined future occurrences, moments he watches monsters take the lives of those he loves, helpless to protect them before the creatures turn on him, too. Imaginings of his father coming from Edom to wreak havoc on everything he swore to protect in this world. Of Lilith returning while he’s powerless to stop her. The nightmares his mind creates for himself are much worse than the moments he relives from the past few weeks.

Magnus gives a tug on Alec’s hands to pull him closer, a signal that the worst of it is over. Alec shifts himself back up onto the bed, laying down next to Magnus before wrapping his arms around his stomach, placing soft kisses on the side of his neck and down his collarbone before resting his head on his shoulder.

“Thank you,” Magnus says, voice heavy with drowsiness as he starts to fall back asleep. “I know this can’t be easy.”

“But it is,” Alec says, and he can feel the tension melt from his boyfriend’s shoulders as he continues. “Being with you is the easiest thing I’ll ever get to do.”

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) )


End file.
